“I’ll stay,” I breathed. I had no other choice. Not because he leveraged my desire for him, but because I wanted to.
His lips covered mine, and I lost my thoughts when he entered me. Slow and deep. My mind exploded with pleasure as we fell into an intense rhythm of passion as we have been doing this all our lives. My body surged as we reached our climax.
I hadn’t been this close to anyone for a long time, and when I fell asleep, I didn’t think about work. I thought about Jordan and his naked body next to mine. I fell asleep to the sound of Jordan’s already sleeping body.
* * *
Iawoke to a soft alarm on his side of the bed as the dim morning light cast the room in shadows. I tried to reach for it, but Jordan was faster. He took my hand and pulled me closer, his deft fingers dug into my lower back. There was this sense of normalcy like stretching in the morning. His nakedness aroused me and I straddled him, taking him deeply. We rocked slowly, building tension with our movements. The release happened with no talking until after my lips reached his. We kissed with the laziness of the morning and then he said it.
“I love.” He hesitated. “I love having you here in the morning. Waking up next to you.”
My leg wrapped around his body still, and his hand caressed my thigh. He was right, it was nice. I was comfortable, and I’d let it go too far. I needed to go. I had to get ready for the opinion today. I needed to check my speech. Both of them. My body stiffened with the list I created in my head.
“Are you all right, Katie?” He turned on his side to face me. He smiled until he saw my face. The pads of his fingers traced my jawline, then he kissed me. His tongue eased my lips to part. Then a deeper kiss developed. I got lost in that kiss until my eyes popped open.
“I have to go, Jordan,” I whispered.
“Yeah, sorry,” he said. He put his hand on the back of my head and let our foreheads touch. “It’s barely five. Get in the shower and I will get you breakfast.”
He kissed me again. This time quicker with more decisiveness. I lingered for a moment, wanting to memorize this moment.
“Out, lazy. Out of the bed,” Jordan chided and then pulled me to my feet. Our naked bodies touched, and it took me every ounce of willpower to resist. He patted me on my butt as I walked towards the bathroom. He pulled on some shorts and a t-shirt but stared at me as he did. I smiled sadly and closed the door.
The shower was hot and inviting.
* * *
The water hit me hard as the realization that I was in love with Jordan. This couldn’t happen. I didn’t want to go through this again. My heart raced in my chest as I thought about the myriad of things that could happen to us. He could die and I would have that pain again. These were all the things I’ve pushed down for years. Why was I allowing Jordan to make me feel again? I was angry with myself. I purposely filled my life with work so I wouldn’t have to feel this, to feel love and the potential pain that when with it.
By the end of the shower, I put my sensible life back in order. This was the only time I would spend with Jordan. I’d stop staying at the Willard. It would break my heart. I’d never be able to look at him and not want more.
I waited for the tears to come. They didn’t. I would not be sad about this. I was just going to move forward like I always did.
Although, I could move our office here. Being in Boston was inconvenient for me. I spent so much time going back and forth, this would be better here. I wondered if the Willard had apartments for rent.
There was a soft knock on the door. “Hey there. Breakfast is ready. Time to get out of the shower.” I could feel his smile through the door. I turned off the shower and grabbed a towel. He was waiting for me in the bedroom.
“I’m good without breakfast,” I said.
He frowned again. “Nope, I will not have you start the day without the most important meal of the day. We will eat and then I’ll walk you back.” He smiled at me, kissed my forehead, and walked away. I touched where he kissed me and smiled. This would be harder than I thought. It will be fine, I reassured myself.
* * *
Isat down at the table where Jordan had placed some coffee, orange juice, toast, and eggs.
“Thanks, Jordan. This is nice.”
He lifted his cup of coffee to me. He took a sip of coffee and stared at me. I kept eating. I needed to get out of here the pain in my chest was spreading to my extremities causing a slight tremble of nervousness.
“You doing okay? You seem tense.”
“Yeah, maybe. I’m just making my mental list I need to accomplish before I get to the courthouse.” I replied.
He nodded in agreement and looked at his phone. “It’s only five thirty. I’m not sure how much time you need back in your room, but you are looking good on traffic to get to that side of town.”
I gave him a forced smile and forced another bite of eggs. He was right, I had plenty of time, but something else was bugging me and I couldn’t put my finger on it.
“When do you think you’ll be back in town?”